Doubting salvation and spiritual infancy

I used to be so scared of the dark when I was a child. I would have to check my closets for monsters after watching a scary movie on TV before going to bed. I would shut off my light and run and jump into my bed so that no hand would reach out from underneath my bed and grab my leg. I often laid there with my eyes open staring towards the closet. I would wonder if monsters were under my bed, in my closet or just outside the window. I had to wait until my parents went to bed before turning on the bathroom light so I could see in my room better.

How I was as a child is how most Christians are with assurance of salvation. They live in fear of the unknown as the child does. You can tell a child that there is no such thing as ghosts, aliens and monsters, but they will still live in fear of them. You can tell these believers the truth of God's word and that He promises eternal life to all that simply trust Him and yet they persist to hold on to their fears and doubts.

A child seems relieved by having a light on but it doesn't cure the problem. The believer too is looking for some type of light that will give them assurance. They often look to their feelings and works. This is something that offers them assurance from time to time as that is what they turn to when darkness floods their soul. This was the trap I was in for many years.

Believers just like children seem to focus on 'What if?' type of thinking. What if there is a boogey man? What if a monster is under my bed? What if I didn't believe enough in Christ? What if I didn't believe the right way?

The problem with Christianity is that it is so performance oriented. Everyone is so worried about what they are doing or not doing as well as how they are feeling. Religion knows this and preys off of it. Religion will tell those that doubt their salvation to read more Bible, pray more, join a ministry and so on. The solution to a performance oriented religion for anyone that is struggling is more performance. They serve a performance oriented god that can only be appeased by your adhering to a bunch of rules.

I struggled with assurance while as a student at Bob Jones University. I had my prayer captain tell me that a possible reason for not having assurance of salvation is that I talk after light bell at school. Light bell was when the bell rang and the lights had to be off in your dorm room and your body better be in that bed or you would get demerits when the hall monitor opened the door to check on you. The rule was that a person could not listen to music, study or even talk after light bell. Somehow according to my PC that not talking after light bell would cure me of my doubts??? I sought special counseling as a student and was given a list of things to do and I did them perfectly. It never fails that I was always told that God must be testing my faith when I followed their additional rules where they did not work for me.

I tried so hard to overcome my doubts that I joined a ministry, preached in kids church, witnessed, read more Bible, fasted, prayed more, rededicated my life in those unscriptural alter calls, made confessions to people that I wronged or think I might have wronged, did the speed limit while driving, worked as hard as I could at work, had 2 hour devotions, listen to nothing but godly music, didn't drink, didn't smoke, didn't attend movies, didn't gamble, didn't play cards, didn't mix swim, wore my hair a certain length and so on and yet I still had no assurance. I was no apostle Paul, but I sure felt like him when he said:

"Concerning zeal, persecuting the church; touching the righteousness which is in the law, blameless." (Phil. 3:6).

It is today that I can say just like the apostle that I consider them all but dung. I do not need the light on today to know that there is no monster in my bedroom. I simply know that no monsters are there. I also do not need feelings and my works to confirm that I am saved either. I simply know that I am saved by God's word.

If you are struggling with assurance of salvation then I can guarantee that you are looking to yourself in some way. You just can't accept free grace and are trying live a life to appease the god you serve. I'm sure that your god is an angry god that is just sick and tired of all of those mistakes you make. You have invented an imaginary god just like the imaginary monsters we invented as a child. It's time to grow up and simply take God at His word and you can only do that by looking entirely away from the law, feelings, your works and even your faith. If you doubt then it is because the attention is on yourself and it has nothing to do with what God is doing so do not try blaming Him for your doubts. We clearly did not believe our parents as a child that there is no such things as monsters, and we clearly do not believe God like a child when He tells us that there is no condemnation to those in Christ Jesus. We believers want the light on so that we can see our faith and good works so that way we can believe that God has saved us. It's sad to see so many believers scared because they cannot sense the light of God in their lives (feelings). They are so focused on the darkness that they cannot see anything else.

If you are struggling with assurance of salvation then it is time to grow up. Get your eyes off of yourself and the darkness you see and turn your eyes upon Christ believing only the testimony that God gave concerning His Son. If you still doubt then you are still focusing on the imaginary monsters under the bed (law), in the closet (feelings) or outside your window (yourself period). Quit being like a child that goes by what they feel to be true when they are in the dark and start living like an adult and simply rest in what is true as stated in God's word.